Good for you! Though I am an ordained Buddhist monk I am interested in Biblical wisdom. I often point out to people that the adviceto "Suffer the little children" does NOT mean make the little children suffer! It means, "Hey, they're just kids, have tolerance and patience." I do not like the zero-tolerance attitude because it does not allow for exploration and reflection. Kids have many reasons for wearing what they wear. My adult son has a number of tattoos that some would find very offensive. One says "Crush, Destroy, Kill" His does NOT advocate this behavior, but offers an indictment of our government's attitude towards our enemies, (who can be described as anyone who gets in the way of cheap oil...) Middle school is a wonderful time for kids to explore their boundaries. It is a time when many are beginning to develop the abilty to think in the abstract, which is one reason they start recognizing the blatant hypocracy we adults practice collectively. We want a war on drugs, but not OUR drugs (nicotine and alcohol)! Don't get me started...
Anyway, this is one adult who is squarely in Richard's corner. And BTW, we adults often forget that Jesus was considered a heretic and a rabble rouser in His day. He took on an entire empire and won. Richard is in very good company indeed.

Go Richard!!! I am absolutely on your side in letting him choose in matters of appearance. This is a perfect example of something whose consequences are the child's and the child's only. Plus, adolescence os a time of individuation. Rebellion only happens when WE as parents force it to. Kids WANT their parents good wishes, no matter what they might pretend. And hair is the kids' "problem" not the parents. One of the most frustrating thing to adolescents is being lumped into a group, and not looked at as individuals. They really need to "try on" personas and attitudes. When we continue to treat them as the terrific kids we know they are, it takes our sail out of their wind. This leaves them to choose freely what THEY want. This is a great example of why I would never last as a teacher. I would be fomenting this kind of thing GLEEFULLY just to watch the stuffed shirts have a cow!!

Oh Habibati Mona, I am sending you a great big hug! Being the mommy of a two year old can be very very trying indeed. Here's what I wished I had done (nope, didn't figure it out then, but I have been working with little ones for several years now)
Relax. Your little one is normal. YOU are normal. Don't take it personally. Remember, he hasn't fully grown a brain yet!
It's more important what you do than what he does. In other words, he is just a little boy. Don't let his unruliness shake your confidence. It's okay to be the mom, gently, kindly, but with no nonsense.
Watch Cesar Milan. No, I am not comparing kids to dogs, I promise! But Cesar's lessons about energy are very important for Moms with high energy kids. And little ones are more motivated by energy than logic. Consequently, though we must use words so they learn, it is the energy that accompanies those words that motivates. Own your power, and assert it calmly. For a while, you have to make yourself, but then things calm down, and it gets easier. Not perfect, and it's important to stay as consistent as possible, but it does work.
Forgive yourself for not being perfect. NO mom is! We forget sometime that our job as moms is not to "make " our kids happy In fact, we can't. What we can do is to be happy with them. Reflect to them the basic goodness you know they possess. Remind yourself and acknowledge to them that mistakes are learning experiences, not character flaws. Of course I know you know all this, but remembering it in the face of a two year old's shenanigans is HARD sometimes.
Finally, someday, you WILL remember these days fondly! Well, okay, most of them!
Natalie

I hear you, Lea! Now that my daughter is 16 things are so much more complicated, especially as she articulates many of her own frustrations. I have become so much more aware of the utter lack of respect for children shown by the school system. Not every teacher, by any means, but at best, their hands are tied. And, don't get me wrong, there are GREAT teachers and administrators out there. But it seems kids are all lumped into categories, and are labeled as trouble makers if they insist on their rights being respected. I am a parent who almost literally never yells at my kids. I am lucky to have such a gem, of course, and I certainly did do my share of yelling at one point, BUT I have learned that I cannot congruently insist on respectful behavior from my kids if I am being disrespectful. The result of this is while my kids are very respectful about it, they WILL politely point out to an adult when they believe something is unjust or unfair. I do of course recognize that schools are dealing with a lot of kids whose behavior is quite exasperating, but kids aren't exactly growing up in perfect environments. So the schools try to control the antisocial behavior, while ignoring not only its origins, but the role poor nutrition and junk food plays in behavior issues. I can't tell you how many times I have observed a kid's behavior do a 180 after a simple snack of fresh fruit and cheese, for instance. I actually make this part of the agreement we have with parents of the kids enrolled in our kung fu classes. I ask that they be given NOTHING with artificial color or flavor in the couple of hours before class (though my husband is loathe to dictate to parents, it is my hope that if they SEE the difference, they will minimize consumption on their own.) It sometime alarms me to note how many parents don't know that they are allowed to decide what foods are brought into their own homes! As if children are somehow entitled to blue cereal, YUCK! (And BTW, artificial food colorings are mostly petroleum derivatives, how gross is that? AND they have been shown to cause significant behavioral issues in many kids.) TV has brainwashed our kids and we as a society are going right along with the program. Take note next time you are in the grocery store of the sheer volume of junk people buy, many of whom are almost certainly exasperated by their out of control kids.
Unfortunately the lack of respect for rules and regulations, as well as just plain common sense doesn't end with the school system. We in the US spend BILLIONS of dollars on the so-called war on drugs, and yet alcohol and nicotine are responsible for more deaths and illness than ALL illegal drugs COMBINED. And while the use itself is definitely a problem, what kids really need to understand is the ramifications of ANY avoidance and mood altering behavior. Which kind of brings us back to junk food. Because after all, if these foods didn't alter kids' moods, they probably wouldn't be that interested in them in the first place. It has been well established that human beings, as a species are naturally inclined, to varying degrees, of course, to alter their moods. If we weren't we wouldn't need to make war on drugs, now would we? It is my hope to bring meditation to schools, as this has been shown to be very effective in improving the atmosphere, especially in middle school.
Your kids are lucky, Lea! And though it is not for everyone, homeschooling is a wonderful, life affirming and viable alternative to traditional schooling. Lots of kids thrive and blossom when they are able to follow their passion. We ned to have trust that our kids can and will make positive decisions about their own education. A lot of people will say, "Yeah, if you gave them a choice, all the kids would quit school." Well, actually, I don't think that's true but if is IS, what does THAT say about our schools?

Welcome back, Lea,
Sorry about Mom and hope your health is improving. I too was incredibly frustrated with SHS, and ultimately my daughter ended up going to live in Tucson with her dad and attend Rincon. Not a huge improvement, AIMS test and all- but at least her old friends are there. The whole AIMS thing has left me at a loss- how do I in good conscience support such an idiotic system? When my daughter was considering the GED and going on to Pima, I couldn't disagree with her. She is such a creative and intuitive learner and this model is just ruining what should be satisfying, hard work that leads to having some ideas about what to pursue as a career. And when the teachers are basically restricted to curriculum solely devoted to passing AIMS, who has time to explore, dream, imagine and create? This is what kids need to do. Since we no longer have many factories in the US, the system we have, which was designed to train workers, not thinkers, MUST be rethought. I feel like even the best schools leave way too many kids with a lousy attitude towards learning. Teachers are frustrated, the old reward and punishment rule of law just doesn't work anymore, and our kids deserve better. And don't EVEN get me started with the junk food! I happen to believe that many food additives are frankly psychoactive. Ever seen how some kids get totally whacked out after eating blue candy? How are they supposed to learn? Aren't we supposed to be keeping them OFF drugs? EEESH! I am glad someone is being a pain in the rears of the administration!

Looks like a "Tiger" to me!