Somebody please stop Dane Cook before he becomes a movie star. The more films in which he appears, the more legitimacy he gets. The more legitimacy he gets, the more box office dough his movies will accumulate, and soon enough he could be an unstoppable force of evil like Tim Allen or Ben Stiller.
It’s not that I have anything against Cook – I find is standup stuff generally funny, and he was strong in small roles in “Waiting,” “Torque” and especially in a dramatic turn in this year’s “Mr. Brooks” – but because he has seemingly no discretion when he signs on to moronic scripts, his career momentum absolutely must be snuffed out before he can do more damage.
I was willing to give Cook another shot as a lead after the horrid “Employee of the Month,” but after the splintering awfulness of “Good Luck Chuck,” he’s out of strikes as far as I’m concerned. He plays a dopey dentist cursed/blessed with the stigma that any woman who sleeps with him will soon after find a husband. This complicates his latest relationship, with a penguin-obsessed klutz played by Jessica Alba. The only reason she’s written as clumsy is so the director can spackle the movie’s many slow spots with boneheaded slapstick set pieces, including Alba running head first into a pole, slipping into a pond in a penguin habitat, wrecking a wedding table and locking herself out of her car.
At every turn, Alba is getting physically abused by various props. None of these accidents are funny. They made me cringe and drew sympathetic groans from the audience. It may have been amusing if it had been Cook enduring most of the punishment, allowing him to play off the pain with some of his famous, over-the-top reactions.
Cook is forced to stand by with a dumb look on his face, waiting for the dopey plot to play out so he can get to his next sex scene, and then to the funniest, sickets part of the movie, a certain illicit rendezvous over the end credits. Only once the movie is over is Cook allowed to improvise and display some of his maniacal charm. I wouldn’t be surprised if most people who buy a ticket to the film have walked out long before that little spot of sunshine.
— Jered 09/20/2007 02:26 PM #
– Guy gets hit in nuts with ball
– Girl absent-mindedly walks into post
– “Zapped!”-style embarrassing skirt removal
– Guy gets hit in nuts with ice
– Fat girl weighs a lot!
– Guy gets a funny electrocution and flies through the air
– Guy is surprised by a nude woman and exhibits wacky behavior
– Fat girl weighs a lot! (#2)
– Guy gets hit in nuts by flailing girl
– Etc, etc, etc…
Cook needs barbiturates and a new agent. Oh but wait, this will be number one at the box office and make millions anyway. Scratch that last one Dane, YOU’RE GETTING HIT IN THE NUTS FOR DUCKETS, BOY!!!
— micah 09/21/2007 09:04 AM #
Phil, nobody cares what you think about a movie or the jealousy you have for those you attempt to bash in your critiques (Cook, Sandler, Wayans, etc.).
Remember, criticism says more about the critic than the criticized.
Why the hell do we need critics anyway? Does anybody really listen to their advice? HELL NO!
— El Professor 09/21/2007 02:32 PM #
— Vinny 09/21/2007 05:16 PM #
YOU REFER TO HIS CAREER, “NEEDING TO BE SNUFFED OUT”. WOULD YOU SAY THE SAME FOR STEVE MARTIN BACK IN HIS DAY? FOR ADAM SANDLER? FOR CHRIS ROCK OR CHRIS FARLEY? ALL WHO HAVE MADE MILLIONS MAKING THE SAME KIND OF SLAP STICK STUPID COMEDIES. NOT TO MENTION BUILT EXTREMELY SUCCESSFUL CAREERS ON DOING JUST THAT.
I THINK IT IS PRETTY PATHETIC THAT YOUR JOB IS TO CRITIQUE AND YOU BASH BECAUSE OF WHATEVER IN REASON YOU HAVE. HOPEFULLY SOMEDAY YOU CAN MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR INNER DEMONS AND ENJOY THE MOVIE FOR WHAT IT IS.
YOU KNOW THAT IS THE IDEA!
— JOHN 09/21/2007 05:20 PM #
So just to clarify: For those of you to whom sarcasm is a lost art, the word “FANTASTIC” in my previous comment should actually be read as “TERRIBLE”. Have a nice day, puds.
— micah 09/22/2007 10:30 AM #