Or at least I am personally. Because the “Neverending Story” Nothing that is our decaying economy has gone and swallowed up the last remnant of my fantasy world — the free Chipotle burrito.

I called around the four Southern Arizona locations and discovered that Chipotle is no longer giving out free burritos to salve our wounds on Tax Day. Worse, every employee I talked to said they’d never heard of the promotion. And still worse, three out of the four said they couldn’t say for sure whether the free burritos would be back in action for Halloween.

“We don’t know anything until the marketing department tells us,” a woman at the East University location told me. “Halloween is a long, long time away.”

Amen, sister. Halloween has never, ever felt farther away.

This is an outrage. An outrage, I tell you, for isn’t it written in the Constitution that everyone in the universe is entitled to free food at Chipotle on Halloween and Tax Day? (Last year, Chipotles statewide even threw in a bonus free-for-all on Jan. 31 to celebrate to the Cardinals’ Super Bowl appearance. The lines for the burrito that day resembled Soviet Union bread queues.)

Sure, Chipotle always makes you humiliate yourself for the food, but that was part of the fun. On Halloween, you technically had to dress up like a burrito, but they’d give you a pass so long as you at least made the effort to wear a tinfoil at. On tax day, you had to fill out little faux tax forms that worked as free burrito coupons. And on that magical Cardinals tribute day, you had to wear either red or Cardinals gear. (And since everyone in Tucson but me has always hated the Cardinals, most people here wore their threadbare U of A sweatshirts).

But now we’re lost and alone, forced to pay for our own food. Tax Day is just April 15. Halloween may be nothing more than an occasion for your house gets egged.

And when the Cardinals make the Super Bowl all it means is it’s parka weather in hell once again.