Hello Lea,

I read the article when it was published, I had a feeling it was your son, I did not know it was him who wrote it.

Sorry for a bit of my ignorance, my children are not in school yet...does this issue refers to public schools dictating what students can and cannot wear?

I only noticed it when I got the Sahuarita school district newsletter in the mail where I read about the dress code. At the time I did not think much of it, only that I thought only private schools could dictate what students can or cannot wear, not public.

So,if I understand, your son is trying to defend the right for students in public schools to wear whatever they want. And you are caught between your son's beliefs and the practicality of its consequences...am I right?

Public schools have adopted uniform policies, giving little regard to previous rulings. Students do not, "shed their constitutional rights when they enter the schoolhouse door." Tinker vs. Des Moines

In Tinker, the Court ruled that symbolic speech could only be prohibited by school administrators if they could show that it would cause a substantial disruption of the school's educational mission.

Of course, the school could not prove that no more then a school can today prove the color of a child's hair or clothes is substantially disruptive. There have been numerous cases in courts. Hair, tattoos, and piercing's have almost always been ruled in favor of the student. In a few cases the school was ordered to pay damages to the student.

More importantly, religion of a student is not taken into account. Our beliefs forbid a boy and girl to be dressed alike. Our belief is not unlike many other religions where people, particularly girls, must wear clothes of certain colors and styles.

Richard, got around this last year by dressing out of uniform. He went out of his way to bend the rules and the few times it was noticed and he was told to go to the office he simply ignored the person telling him to go. I was not happy with this but since the adult giving the instruction did not follow through with making sure he went to the office we had no problems. This year his father and I do not want him to be disobedient. I am not going to force him to wear clothes that go against our beliefs either.

Sahuarita has no opt-out policy. Many schools have created these policies or made the uniforms voluntary.

Bottom line is public schools do not have the right to take away the constitutional rights of parents and students.

When our rights of choosing and worshipping God is taken from us because government run schools do not agree, we as a nation are in serious trouble.

There is my dilemma, while I support him and agree with him, the rules say a student will be suspended or placed in house suspension. This will have consequences. He will be isolated from his peers or not allowed at school at all because of our religious beliefs. Of course, his grades will suffer.

I have been thinking all this morning about your question. If I were you, I would stand by my son.

I think that public schools should not dictate what one should or should not wear because it will infringe in one's religious beliefs. Just as in your belief girls and boys should not dress alike, how about a Jewish family that follows strictly the teachings and their son wears a kufi or a Muslim girl who wears the veil...or the goth kids that wear black and so on.

Going back to school requirements and faith, I think your son should continue defending his constitutional right. Frankly I am shocked by how American PUBLIC schools are behaving on the issue.

I studied in a Catholic, PRIVATE, school, we all wore the uniform. My parents went to the principal and counselor of that school and requested if it was ok for me to come to school with the veil...and even later on with my face covered and the school approved(of course today I no longer cover either way).

This is an extreme example, but in no way I disrupted the school.

The bottom line is, even if your son is suspended pending in him fighting this rule, even if your case loses, at least you have tried. Don't give up right now.

Perhaps public schools that have a dress code could come with a compromise instead, taking into consideration religious beliefs. I am sure both sides can find a middle ground and that is what we all should fight for.

Maybe your son could suggest some alternatives.

It's interesting that you mentioned Goth kids. Most people refuse to acknowledge it as a religion. That seems to be the biggest problem. What people don't agree with or understand ends up meaning to them that it can't be a real valid belief or religion. I actually sat and listened to one administrator try to convince me that the kids dressed in black intimidate others. I thought at the time, interesting I wonder if the kids were Goth and if being dressed in black bothered everyone.

I did go to the superintendent prior to the beginning of last school year. He spoke to the legal department and we agreed that Richard could not be forced to wear uniforms. He asked me to write him a letter, which I did, with no further response from him. At the school level I was told repeatedly that Richard must be in uniform. I brought up many ideas as a solution and each one was shot down with a no or that would be to hard to enforce. I did follow the proper channels. This leaves me now having to go outside the school and make it a legal matter. I am not thrilled with the idea at all.

I was never going to make him dress in any way he found to go against his beliefs. I am going to try to keep him from being suspended. Rallying kids to protest is his idea. Filing suit and getting an injunction preventing them from suspending him until the case is heard is my idea. I guess we will see what the year brings.

Too bad the constitution can't be recognized as a final decision then there would be no problem. I must be dreaming!

From your experience, seems like you tried everything before the legal channel.

I think it is the only way the matter will be considered seriously.

Going through the legal process is not easy, that is why I think many of the school staff are betting is something you will not do, thus is easier for them to brush you off.

I spent much of the night thinking about this. I think that you are right. I should let him do what he feels is right and stand by him.

I began thinking this has to be his battle for his beliefs. He is certainly old enough and mature enough to handle the issue. We as parents lead our children in our beliefs but in the end they have to choose their own way.

As a mom I want to take on his battles but I suppose I am at the cross road where I have to begin to let go and let him begin his own journey into manhood and back him up when he asks. If it ends in suspension I will just have to deal with it then.

I will keep the legal option open but let him try to handle it first. I also think you are right that it was brushed off because they don't believe anyone will challenge them. Sometimes people in powerful positions believe what they say goes and you are stuck with their decisions. I feel a years time was very generous of me to wait for a solution.

Yeah, give students absolute freedom to dress anyway they wish! When they enter the "real world" (the workforce) they will be ill prepared to adhere to business dress codes! Please explain the Goth "religion" to me...thanks

Jeffrey:

First of all, kids should dress as their parents see fit. The government has no place is dictating a parents rights.

I will never be happy with losing my parental rights to a government run agency. You can dress your children anyway you want and I can do the same. That is the beauty of living in a free country.

As far as what the workforce holds, again it's about living in a free country. You make a choice to take a job and dress accordingly. Last year I saw a girls coach at SMS in shorts shorter then the uniform policy demands. I saw teachers wearing colors not allowed for students. I saw grounds keepers wearing baseball hats. I saw the principal in clothes that are not permitted in the handbook. I saw many teachers who dye their hair. So are their jobs not considered successful or does the color of one's hair, clothes and hats have absolutely nothing to do with the workforce?

The school also will sell your freedom back to you several times a year. Yes, the students can pay a few dollars to the student council for uniform free days. This directly contradicts the claims behind uniforms.

I volunteered with a youth group and several kids were all dressed in black, makeup, tattoos and piercing's. I was curious about why they choose the style. Instead of judging them I asked and they explained to me it was about their personal and spiritual beliefs and even invited me to one of their meetings they hold every Sunday. I passed on going as it interfered with my own church service. I can't fill you in on any more then that. I don't understand their beliefs but I respect their right to have them. I would like to add that these "scary" looking kids were all in the top 10% of their classes. Well mannered and extremely polite.

By forcing kids to conform to something they strongly disagree with will never teach them what is "proper" but only push them to protest especially, like in our case, where it goes against your religious beliefs. They have minds and ideas of their own. It is only a parent who has the right to say a child can't dress a certain way.